His Blossom
by Pardon the Insanity
Summary: She was human, brief and unnecessary as the flowers she loved. But just because something is unnecessary does not mean it cannot serve a purpose.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: It would be rather useless to even try to pass this all off as my own, wouldn't it? I mean honestly. I think we all know.

Anywho, this was supposed to be a oneshot, but that didn't work so well, so I'm breaking it into chapters and editing them as quickly as I can. So it's all done and should be completely posted within a week or so… which I think is pretty decent. This first chapter is more of a prologue to provide foundation for everything else, so please don't give up on it if it seems slow; I just needed the background! Reviews are super appreciated and if you do, I will do so in return – that seems fair, right?

* * *

As Rin stood up, brushing grass from her new yukata, Sesshoumaru was forced to accept the fact that she was growing up.

He had never deluded himself otherwise, never hoped that the strength of his will alone would somehow keep the child who followed him adoringly above the flow of time. Yet although he accepted that she would age, cycle through her brief mortal life like the blooming and withering of the flowers she loved to pick, he had long refused to acknowledge it.

He ignored the way her height increased dramatically one summer, making her a gangly thing who had to learn her meager measure of grace again. The subtle changes in her face, altering her expressions faintly, could be unnoticed. Likewise, the shifting of her voice from the high timbre of a child through the tempering of the yeas could be disregarded. Because, even with the changes, she was still happy, still Rin.

All the same, Sesshoumaru could no longer turn his mind to something else. The child, the girl he had returned to life on a strange whim and had almost lost when he had been powerless to save her, was being shed and discarded on a path forever behind them.

It had only been a handful of years, hardly enough to constitute consideration, since he had wordlessly taken her in as his ward. Five years she had told him happily the evening before, when the red sun had made the sky blaze like it had the day she found him. Five years that had managed to so drastically start changing her. He had not expected it to happen so quickly.

Sesshoumaru considered her as she stood in the sun, head tilted back to face the sky. Still a child, although a growing one. He could not yet call her a young woman, but soon. The implications of that state had started to twist around his mind, an unavoidable annoyance that would have to be dealt with.

Regardless of the time he had to consider the problem, Sesshoumaru had never come up with a solution about what to do with Rin once she grew up. It had never seemed pressing that he have a plan for when this event happened, because it wouldn't be overnight. He had ignored the issue for so long, procrastinated on addressing it until it was now as unavoidable as her presence.

The problem was that, as soon as she was old enough to bear children, she would be in constant danger. A life such as his, a path of wanderings lined with battles in the wild, would be even more dangerous than it already was. He would not bring her into battle with him, but he would be unable to leave her behind in the open somewhere. Doing so for as long as he had was dangerous enough, even with Ah-Un to protect her. There was little interest in a small mortal girl. A woman, however…

She turned her head, catching his eyes as he considered her, and smiled. It seemed like she was always smiling, even when he could find no reason for her to do so. He smiled so rarely that he could not possibly imagine what sort of intensity her emotions must have constantly maintained to allow her to stay so visibly cheerful.

The long grass rustled softly as she pushed through it, making her way to where he was sitting. As she sank to the ground next to him, she tipped her head slightly, her bangs slanting across her face. "Does something trouble you, Lord Sesshoumaru?" she asked innocently, somehow able to read the pale traces of expression that managed to leak into his eyes. He had never understood how she could see what he was unaware of betraying.

Looking away from her, instead sweeping his eyes across the plain spread ahead of them, he considered her words. There was no way that he could answer. Admitting that she was the current subject causing his mood would only distress her unnecessarily. "Have you ever wanted to return to the humans, Rin?" he asked tonelessly, eyes upon the distance.

There was only a beat of silence, enough time to register the question, before she responded. "Never," she stated, truthfully and simply. "Not once."

Sesshoumaru did not reply, perhaps a bit too distracted by the odd sensation of something uncoiling in his chest. There had been so many occasions where he had second-guessed himself, questioned the wisdom of taking her from her own people. But she had always seemed content, and for some reason he had always been unable to ask her before.

"Even now, you do not desire a true home?" he continued.

"No. I like being with you and Jaken." She shifted, bringing herself into his line of sight again. There were questions written across her face, and she softly spoke. "You are not going to leave me, are you, my lord?"

She stared up at him patiently, worriedly. Sesshoumaru wondered if she had any idea how many times he had unsuccessfully tried to leave her. After the incident in the meidou, he had promised himself that he would never allow her to be in such danger again; the only way to accomplish that seemed to be entrusting her care to somebody else, as loath as he had been to leave her by that point. While he could had protected her better than any if he had made it his first priority, there were other duties had had to place higher.

Once Kohaku had been reunited with his sister, Sesshoumaru had found a suitable village for Rin. They had made camp at its edge, just close enough that Rin would probably venture into when she found him gone in the morning.

He had walked for an hour before the faint howling of wolves stirred the silent air. The memory of how he had found Rin flashed before his eyes, and without realizing what he had done, he had returned. He had just reached her when she had woken up, immediately searching for him. In her wide, frightened eyes, he saw her complete trust in him, her blind faith that he would always protect her, and he realized that somehow he had accepted the duty.

It had been the last time Sesshoumaru had tried to leave her.

"No," he replied at length, focusing on the present as he met her eyes long enough to be assured of her peace of mind.

Since he would not leave her and she had no desire to leave herself, Sesshoumaru could only see one other possible way to keep her safe.

After staring at him for a moment, Rin was apparently unable to read anymore of his thoughts from his face. "May I ask why you want to know?" she ventured.

Slowly, he unfolded himself and stood, turning back to where Jaken and Ah-Un were waiting at their camp. "We are returning to my home."

He heard Rin stand, following closely behind him. Although she did not speak, he knew that she must have been trying to connect his final response with what he had asked earlier. It was quite likely that she would realize what he was planning; over the years, she had become disturbingly adept at deducing his intentions from few actions and fewer words.

If she had realized, she didn't say anything. She remained uncharacteristically silent as they joined Jaken and Ah-Un and set off.

-----

The palace was in an uproar at the lord's return.

It was to be expected, however, given how rarely Sesshoumaru was present. There simply was no reason for him to remain. He had no obligations to stay, Lord of the Western Lands or not; there were nobles and vassals who had been loyal to his father and now to him who oversaw the mundane daily management of his lands. He had never felt a strong attachment to his home – it was a constant base he could return to if necessary, nothing more.

For over five years, since before he had saved Rin, there had been no compelling reason to return. Although he would usually stay briefly every year or so, he had been gone for much longer than five years before, and he was fairly certain that enough rumors had trickled back to assure his subjects that he was still alive.

At the same time, these rumors were part of the reason Sesshoumaru had stayed away. He had fought battles and gained power, but most notably he had acquired a mortal girl as a ward. He knew what questions would be asked and what would be whispered in the halls. There was too much to do to bother with such annoyances, and so he had remained wandering the country. Now that it was unavoidable, a necessity beyond any other option, he would face it.

Thankfully, there would be no time for anything but surprise for a while. Certain things became slack when the lord was gone, and his sudden appearance would force the operations to a fevered pitch. Servants would be too busy preparing his rooms and those he was now requiring be made ready for Rin, as well as trying to return what possessions of theirs had managed to leak from their quarters back to their proper places; nobles and the other subjects living in the complex would be trying to make themselves presentable.

The sounds of this activity reached the south gardens where he was waiting with Rin. As of yet, nobody had seen her; he had gone ahead that morning and made sure that everybody would be properly busy before he brought her into the complex. He had left the task of seeing to Ah-Un to Jaken while he stayed with Rin in the relative seclusion of the gardens.

She was sitting quietly on a short bench beneath a willow tree, eyes strangely downcast. Sesshoumaru could not fathom what was bothering her – he had told her that he would not abandon her, and he had gone even further in bringing her, a mere human, into his lands and home.

"What ails you?" he asked when her head had tipped back far enough for him to see the shadows in her eyes.

She looked at him quickly before again dropping her gaze. "I'm alright," she said, allowing her hand to brush away one of the willow branches.

He felt his brow draw down slightly. "Rin."

With a sigh, she stood, facing him. "I am honored that you have brought me here, Lord Sesshoumaru. I just…" Her lips twisted as she thought about how she wanted to phrase her thoughts, a habit she had acquired long ago. "You're going to leave me here, aren't you?"

For a long moment he watched her before she could no longer hold his gaze. "Yes."

"Have I become a burden to you?"

He could not think what would have given her that idea, remaining silent as he tried to consider anything he had done to give her such an impression.

Apparently the pause was too long, even for him, because she gave him a sad, weary smile. "I would not wish to be a burden to your house as well, Lord Sesshoumaru. If you no longer wish to have me with you, I will return to a human village."

The breeze stirred the leaves of the willow, gently brushing them against him. "I want you to stay, Rin," he said.

Her head snapped up. She opened her mouth to speak, but he gave her a look that silenced her. "You are not a burden to me. I have brought you here to protect you."

"You've always saved me when I've been in danger," she replied.

"I have also often been the reason you were in danger to begin with." The clamor from the palace was beginning to settle – voices were starting to wonder where the lord had gone. "I am no longer able to keep you as safe as I want. Since you expressed no desire to return to your people, I brought you here." He turned towards the palace and pressed through the curtain made by the willow. "Come; they are ready now."

----

The walls of the complex were beginning to press in on Sesshoumaru. He had remained for over a month, far longer than he would ever have before. But just because Rin had spent a number of years with Jaken and him did not mean that she had any understanding of the culture and habits of youkai. There were a great number of things to which she had to acclimate. Because of this, he had not been able to leave immediately.

It was time now, though. Matters he had preciously been able to avoid, the intricacy of politics, were starting to worm their way into his routine. Although capable of handling these matters, they were nonetheless wearying. It made the roots of his nature, the deep instincts to wander, pace within his composed exterior.

When he told Rin that he would be leaving in the morning, she had looked surprised for a moment before smiling. "I knew it would be soon," she explained. "You're always looking past the walls."

In the morning, he found her standing by the gate when he went to leave. Her eyes, half asleep though they were, brightened when she saw him and Jaken.

"Foolish girl," Jaken muttered under his breath, having long ago given up on convincing her to take what he said seriously.

"Why are you here, Rin?" Sesshoumaru asked as the gate was opened.

"I wanted to see you off," she replied, covering a yawn with the back of her hand.

She walked with them to the edge of the plain surrounding the complex, quietly humming to herself as the first hints of dawn began to spread into the sky. When Sesshoumaru stopped, she stood next to him and smiled, expressing such strange human sentiments that he chose not to reply to them. Instead he told her to return to the palace, and he watched her hurrying back before she waved and smiled again at the gate.

----

It wasn't until winter when he returned late one night long enough to question a servant about how Rin had adjusted that he learned that, while she never complained, she had cried every night for weeks after he left.

He had departed in the morning without seeing her.

----

Not a season passed afterwards where he did not make time to see Rin.

Sometimes he stopped for an evening before returning to his campaigns, sometimes for a week. He could never say why he was so adamant about these visits, no matter how brief they might be.

Every time, the scene was the same; Sesshoumaru would find Rin in the gardens waiting for him. She would be there regardless of the weather, going so far as to stand in the snow. He had admonished both her and the servants ordered to assist her, having unwittingly picked up the knowledge about how fragile her mortal health could be in the cold. This had no affect, however – Rin refused to be indoors as soon as she got the feeling that he might be returning. No matter what they did, the servants could not stop her without the use of force, which he had strictly forbidden.

Sesshoumaru could not place the strange feelings that slowly spread through him when he would come back. There was something like peace initially at seeing her smiling face as she approached him, always ecstatic that he was back. Knowing that no harm had befallen her and that she was instead thriving brought him a moment of calm he rarely felt.

But it was short-lived, the first gentle wave before the pounding of the incoming tide. The passage of the seasons was meaningless to him while he was away; it flowed past him without notice. As soon as he saw her, however, he suddenly remembered the weight of every second. He acknowledged the drifting of time and its affects when he saw how it had carved her face and shaped her body.

Years slipped by and Rin continued to grow. Sesshoumaru found that avoiding her eyes was nearly impossible. More shocking – she had been growing even when she had followed him, after all – was the change in her shape. It was both fascinating and troubling to realize, one summer when he returned, that all the slight changes had suddenly made her look like a woman. There were traces of the little girl in her eyes and her smile, but she was otherwise a strange, new creature.

Thankfully, her demeanor had not been altered. Everything that had constituted her nature as a child remained, merely refined to befit her new station in life. She had been granted instructors who taught her the things any noblewoman would know, and she had applied herself to these lessons in a way that almost made him consent to feeling pride. He would hear stories about the honor she had brought to the house through the gentle grace she displayed when dignities visited, something that had gradually earned her the acceptance and respect of his subjects.

When the visitors were gone and no pretense was necessary, however, the laughter and songs returned. It had apparently taken a while for those living in the complex to become used to her mannerisms, to the flowers that suddenly littered the buildings. Rin smiled constantly as always, and would carry on conversations with him when he returned that did not require any response. Although there was now a sophistication and wit to her speech that had not been there when she was young, the curiosity and innocence was still evident.

----

Four years had passed in this fashion before Sesshoumaru realized that a time had come where he would not be able to return within the next season. Although it had never been his conscious intent, he found that every adversary he could find close to his home had been eliminated.

Later that night, he would leave. It was now early evening, however, a period of relative quiet when all but a few subjects could be found heading inside. He opened the shoji screen leading from his rooms and stood there, observing Rin in the waning light as she picked some of the flowers whose buds had just begun to open. She balanced them carefully along the length of her arm, preventing the gentle stalks from breaking or bruising. So much energy was put into the act that Sesshoumaru could not help but note how odd it was.

Slowly, he left the shadows of his room and approached her, quickly rewarded with a bright grin she threw him over her shoulder.

"I would ask if you would care to help me, my lord, but I'm fairly certain that I could guess what your reply would be," she said as she tucked another small bloom into her collection.

"Why do you do this?" he asked suddenly, the question rising to his lips before he had been able to properly consider it.

She straightened and turned to him, head cocked. "Because I want to enjoy them."

Sesshoumaru looked at the blooms, so fragile and slight and new. "They are short-lived already; would they not be better enjoyed here?"

"Yes, I suppose it would be better to leave them be," Rin conceded, smiling a bit sadly. "But it's probably the fact that they are so brief that makes me pick them. While they might be short-lived, I figure that I should just enjoy them as much as possible while they last."

Sesshoumaru considered her words while silently accompanying her journey through the various gardens in search to plants she had not found before. When she was finally satisfied, dark purple shadows draped the landscape as night finally fell. He walked with her to her rooms, turning back to his own as soon as he knew that she was safe.

"Wait!" she called softly from inside, reappearing a moment later.

She hopped down into the grass, lifting her yukata slightly to allow her to hurry over to him. After quickly brushing her hair from her eyes, Rin held out her hand, revealing a small flower she had picked while they were out. "I know that you have no use for flowers, Lord Sesshoumaru," she acknowledged when he did not respond. "All the same, sometimes it is nice to have things we don't necessarily need, don't you think?"

After a moment, he wordlessly held his hand out, accepting her offer. Softly, she moved to give him the flower, one hand beneath his as the other rested in his palm. For a brief moment she paused, and Sesshoumaru felt her gently press his hand between hers.

Looking up, he found Rin already watching him. "Farewell, my Lord," she said quietly before allowing her hands to slip from his, as though realizing the magnitude of what she had done – she'd always understood her place enough not to initiate such contact. "I will not expect to see you this summer."

She had already moved back toward her rooms before he could think of something to say to this truth, although it clearly pained her. Sesshoumaru brought his hand up, the small, white flower cradled in his palm.

"Rin."

Pausing, she turned, wide brown eyes glittering in the darkness.

"I will return as soon as I can."

She smiled as she always did, nodding slightly as she disappeared into her room. He barely noticed, however, too preoccupied with trying to decipher the meaning of her shiver when she had touched his hand.


	2. Return

Wow… I've been surprised by the response I've gotten to this – I really hadn't expected so many reviews! It does make me really happy, though, so thank you! The rest of the narrative goes back and forth between Sesshoumaru and Rin, just to give a heads up on the point of view.

* * *

Rin barely stifled the yawn that wished to escape her lips. Surely, they would be done soon. The introductions themselves had taken a great deal longer than was necessary, probably because the guests were clearly unused to practicing formalities. They stumbled over the common courtesies and were awkward in their actions. Still, they did seem very well meaning and so had to be treated with respect.

It just made it a very, very long morning.

She looked around the room, noticing that many others of the household were wearing carefully schooled looks of interest while their eyes belied their boredom. It was rare to receive dignities who came as a show of goodwill; generally, visits were reserved for times of crisis, whether it was to call up the bonds of allegiances or to make a final effort to avoid war. These were usually interesting, and Rin had picked up a great deal about the subtleties involved in politics through her observations. This, however, lacked anything to hold her attention.

As often happened when she found herself taking part in some court activity that was woefully inadequate at entertaining her, Rin wished that she could return to those years traveling with Lord Sesshoumaru, brief though they now seemed. It was nice to have a home, of course, a place that was warm in the winter and dry when it rained. The comfort of a place to sleep and meals whenever she grew hungry was also pleasant. All the same, certain things were expected of her, restrictions upon her nature.

There had never been these restrictions with Lord Sesshoumaru, or if there had been, they had been so unobtrusive that she didn't notice. So long as she obeyed his rare instructions, she had been more or less left to her own devices. While he had been cool and unsociable for the majority of their journeys, his façade had never fooled her.

As distant as he was, he had always protected her from harm. Whenever she had been in danger, he unfailingly appeared. If she needed anything, be it a new clothes or food or rest, he found ways of providing it for her, although he did manage it in as detached a manner as possible.

Although Rin would never have voiced it aloud, she knew that Lord Sesshoumaru had a kind heart. It was a truth that had always been clear to her, even if it was unrecognizable to everybody else, including Lord Sesshoumaru.

Her mind wandering so far from the present, she almost didn't notice the subtle change in the air. After having lived with demons for so long, she had slowly found herself noticing the auras each had. With time, they had even become distinct, a point of recognition just as much as the sound of a voice.

There was a new current on the air now, a different aura. Before she could consciously recognize it, she felt her heart begin to race excitedly. She had to fight to keep a calm exterior while she tried to ignore the voice that suddenly started chiming that her lord must have returned, finally.

Another voice, one whose constant cynicism always baffled the rest of her temperament, tried to dampen the excitement by pointing out that it had been six year since she had last seen him. It could easily be another demon she had simply not seen for a few years.

By the air of restlessness settling over those assembled from the house, however, Rin could tell that it was not so.

_It has to be him_, her heart screamed joyfully, by now seeming to want to escape her chest when she was unwilling to get up herself. _He's returned_.

The visitors were oblivious, however, so there was no way to leave. Rin folded her hands to keep herself from fidgeting and tried desperately to become intensely interested in the present conversation of alliances and mutual benefits.

There was suddenly a disturbance, and a side screen was drawn back, allowing one of the guards to enter. He gave a short bow to the assembly before turning to the house elders, those who managed the palace in Lord Sesshoumaru's absence.

"The Lord of the Western Lands has returned," he began calmly, "and will be attending to this council shortly."

There was a short moment of silence before everybody suddenly rose, quickly changing their seating to provide room for Lord Sesshoumaru at his proper place. Rin shuffled her way to her new seat, having trouble keeping herself from tripping over the layers of her kimono. It had just been so long…

Six years. Twenty-four seasons drifting past that would have usually seen him at some point. Rin could not help but feel strangely when she considered this, simultaneously old and young. She knew that she had not changed as dramatically in her outward appearance as she had while he had been around, but she could sense the changes in her thinking. Although he might have been oblivious to what he had given away, she had always caught the strange flickers in his eyes whenever he had come back to see her, a sort of sad surprise.

Rin could not help but feel ashamed of herself during those times, as though she had done something wrong in growing up. As desperately as she tried to remain the little girl, her body had seemed to have other ideas and she had grown up, changed both physically and mentally. It had taken years for her to become comfortable with this new person she was becoming, a person who was clearly not what Sesshoumaru wanted.

It had taken time, but she had grown into her skin. She'd even become comfortable with her life within the palace, even though the irony of the dirty mortal orphan becoming a lady in a youkai court never ceased to amuse her.

Suddenly the door opened, and Rin felt all her disjointed and nervous thoughts dissipate as Lord Sesshoumaru entered the room.

He was exactly how she remembered him, ageless and regal. She could not help but feel a swell of pride at being the ward of such a noble being, one who instantly commanded the respect of the guests.

There was no room for disappointment when he did not look at her. After all, the present setting was hardly one that would be appropriate for her to say any of the things buzzing in her head, so it would be better if she could just speak with him afterwards.

The prospect of sitting through the rest of the formalities had never seemed so tedious before. Every word suddenly seemed superfluous, although the time taken to express gratitude at being given lodgings for the night as well as arranging a meeting the next day to speak about the matters missed could not have amounted to more than five minutes.

Finally, however, a group of servants came forward to take the visitors to their rooms and everybody else slowly began to leave. Unfortunately, however, the elders and some of the esteemed nobles apparently desired to speak with Lord Sesshoumaru. Rin didn't know how this rather obvious fact had escaped her attention, although she was pretty sure that, when simplified, it was probably on account of her excitement.

It seemed that it would be a while before she got the opportunity to speak with him, if she was lucky enough to see him that night. In all likelihood he would be detained for the remainder of the evening to be informed on the various treaties and battles fought while he had been gone.

Of course, she could appreciate why this would be necessary. All the same, it didn't make the blow of disappointment any softer.

Rin exited from the council room with the other servants, replying to those who spoke to her in a distracted manner. She was asked something about her opinion on the visitors as well as what she thought of the sudden appearance of the lord, but her mind was clearly elsewhere and she was soon left alone.

Not for the first time, she was grateful that her rooms where in a building toward the back of the complex, at the end of a hall that jutted out into the gardens. While it had initially seemed strange that he had arranged for her to be in such a remote area of the palace, with time Rin had appreciated his foresight. It had provided her a haven in the middle of things that, although familiar to her, were still strange to the basic nature of her people. Whenever she wished to escape the demands of courtly life, she could always go there.

She took the route around the edge of the complex, hoping to eliminate as much contact with others as she could. This proved effective as it always did, although it did require a few more minutes. As there were no other demands upon her time, a few minutes made no difference to her.

Once she reached the screen leading to her rooms, Rin paused for a moment. The sun was low in the sky, still bright but on the verge of setting. The blue of the sky had deepened in preparation of this, ready to sink into purples and pinks as soon as the sun began to drift below the horizon.

Slowly she turned back to the door, sliding the shoji screen open enough to slip within the room.

She had taken one step into the dusky room when she realized that he must have been near. Although everything in her reasoning found this conclusion to be absurd, she could sense his proximity.

Her brow furrowed determinedly. In the past, her instincts had always been correct. There was no reason to think that they would suddenly mislead her, although considering her excitement, Rin figured that she might have just imagined it. Still, it would not hurt to check.

Carefully stepping outside again, one hand upon the screen, she found him standing a dozen feet away, looking up into the sky much like she had done a moment earlier.

She felt all her smooth thoughts tangle in her mind. He had apparently left his advisors and nobles behind, but he had not yet acknowledged her. While she would have liked to think that he had come to that particular part of the palace to see her, from his present actions there was no reason to assume that such was the case.

Rin approached him, a bit surprised that he made no move to recognize her presence, even given her closeness. Surely he had caught her scent by now or had heard her making her way through the grass towards him.

A bit cautiously, she spoke the first thing that came to mind. "Welcome home, Lord Sesshoumaru."

He now turned to her, his expression dissolved in the long shadows thrown by the trees around them. Rin still felt the weight of his eyes upon her even if she could not decipher the accompanying reaction they might have revealed.

Even in the awkward silence, she managed to smile. After all, wasn't this what she had longed for over the past six years, constantly wishing to see him again? There was no reason to let the time that had passed prevent her from the joy that was desperately bubbling within her.

And suddenly Rin knew that everything would be fine as she smiled. Something in the air, a thin tension stretching between them, snapped, instantly replaced by a relieving calm that allowed her to speak further. "I'm so happy to see you," she said, aware of the fact that she was probably grinning in a very ridiculous manner. "I have missed you so much."

He was quiet for a moment. "I have missed you as well," he admitted presently, his eyes turning back toward the horizon.

Rin suddenly was very thankful that he was no longer looking at her when she felt her cheeks suddenly flush at this response.

After a moment she collected herself. "Would you mind accompanying me to the gardens, my lord?" she asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, even though she was sure her expression would give her away.

He nodded, and she fell into step a few paces behind him as they followed the path into the dense gardens. He glanced back at her, a flicker of curiosity in his eyes at her distance. Once she tipped her head slightly to the left and he followed this motion to the group of women sitting on the steps outside their quarters, he nodded, understanding that she was simply following decorum while they were in the presence of his subjects. Although Rin supposed that she could pass without acting so, it seemed disrespectful to forgo these formalities now that she was old enough to understand their importance.

Of course, when they reached the secluded portion of the gardens he had frequently visited with her, the rules quickly broke down. After having realized that Sesshoumaru had abandoned whatever pressing duties he might have had upon returning to see her, it was all she could do not to embrace him once they stopped. Occasions when she had done so had been terribly rare, however, and always when she had been younger.

With this in mind, Rin was just able to prevent herself from being so rash. Still, she was so giddy that she dared to allow one hand to softly touch the pristine silk of his sleeve before quickly withdrawing. When Lord Sesshoumaru did not comment on this breach of his space, Rin released a breath she had been unaware of holding.

Clearing her throat, she looked up into his face. "Please, tell me everything you and Jaken did while you were gone. I miss the days when I was able to celebrate your accomplishments with you." She paused for half a moment before laughing, realizing the ridiculousness of her comment. "I suppose I should amend that; I seemed to do the celebrating for us both."

He nodded. "You always were an enthusiastic child," he conceded, and she noticed the distance that grew in his eyes now that they were in the dimming light of the sun.

"But not a child any longer," she said, her smile becoming nostalgic at his expression. Rin paused thoughtfully, toying with her sleeves in the silence that he made no effort to fill. Things she had considered many times in the past few years manifested themselves again, pushing past her attempts to keep the sad thought from her mind. "It does not bother you, does it?" she asked quietly, torn between wishing he would answer and praying that he wouldn't.

"What, Rin?"

"That I'm no longer a child." She spoke to her feet, carefully avoiding his gaze. When he did not answer, she sighed. "I did not intend to let the conversation become so heavy so quickly," she said, her mouth quirking. "I had not planned on asking you that tonight."

She continued to avoid meeting his eyes, instead studying anything and everything else until she suddenly felt the soft touch of his fingers on her cheek. With a start, she followed the gentle pull of his hand, raising her head towards his. Although her breath caught for a moment, Rin did not notice it over the sudden heat again assaulting her cheeks.

While she hoped that he would not notice, she knew that with him looking so intently at her there was no way he could miss how red her face must have been. She was so preoccupied with feeling mortified and confused that she did not catch the flicker of surprise in his eyes.

He suddenly dropped his hand. "No, Rin," he said slowly, holding her eyes for a second more, "it does not bother me."

There was a moment where Rin wondered how the conversation could possibly resume before Lord Sesshoumaru asked about her health. It was as though the previous conversation had not taken place, it's understandings recognized while all other knowledge of it was forgotten.

Rin accepted this and replied, voicing her own small questions when it was appropriate while casually picking flowers. Darkness covered them and she suddenly found herself outside her rooms, realizing with a start that they must have been out for at least an hour or two. She turned to him, noticing that he was already leaving, and barely managed to speak before he turned out of sight.

"Goodnight, my lord," she said. "Thank you for seeing me."

He stopped for a moment, but did not turn around. "Goodnight, Rin," he replied before continuing on his way.


	3. Proposition

Morning found Rin still awake.

It felt like she had spent the entirety of the previous night flipping from one side to the other. Her mind would simply not relax and release her to dreams. If it wasn't one thing, she was considering another, constantly chasing her thoughts around. Whenever she made a conscious effort to fall asleep, it merely made it worse.

With a frustrated sigh, she finally gave up. Pale light was filtering through the screen, betraying the advance of dawn. It would only be half an hour or so before she'd have to get up anyway.

She shrugged out of her nightclothes and carefully donned her kimono, layering it in a way that would be proper in the presence of guests. Since the maids Lord Sesshoumaru had provided for her would not be around for a while, Rin decided to take care of her hair by herself.

After a bit more time than she would have liked to spend on something so silly, Rin felt that her hair looked at least presentable. That she had to look and behave like a proper lady when she had never quite accepted the fact that she was old enough to do so was one of the most annoying things about having visitors to the palace.

She poked at an itch on the back of her head, frowning at having to work her fingers around various instruments attempting to keep her hair up. She decided that whoever thought that it was a good idea to wear one's hair up was a fool.

Tottering sleepily out of her room while trying to brush off her exhaustion, Rin could not help but wonder why she had been so hopeless at sleeping that night. She'd definitely been tired enough, but for some unknown reason sleep evaded her…

Shaking her head as she walked down the silent halls, she finally allowed herself to admit why she had been so restless.

It was Lord Sesshoumaru.

All night long, she had chased her thoughts away, forbidding herself to consider what his sudden appearance had brought to mind. She had carefully spent the time he was away teaching herself to ignore the stirrings that she had begun to feel before he had left. Apparently she had failed.

She loved him.

Of course, she had always loved him. From the moment she found him in the forest, no matter how he had frightened her, she had nonetheless been curious about him. Something about his elegance even when injured had drawn her to him, as though he was an example of how she could have strength even in her deprivation. There had been something about him that made her senselessly adore him and long for his acceptance. And from the instant she had opened her eyes and looked into his as he gently held her up in the crook of his arm, her adoration had shifted to love.

It had been simple, childish. She had loved him without a thought, as though it was the most natural thing to do. Even if he would never show that he cared for her, over time she had learned to read the little things he did and knew that he did indeed care, no matter how reserved he might be. Knowing this had been enough.

Or, at least, it had been for a long while. It had not been until she was fifteen or sixteen that she realized that, no matter how comfortable she felt or what luxuries she was afforded, something was missing. Whenever Lord Sesshoumaru had been away, she felt the unknown absence painfully, but while it filled when he visited, his presence also made her heart ache.

All of Rin's thoughts had seemed to be absorbed with Lord Sesshoumaru. Everything seemed to recall memories of him, and she had started to daydream of him whenever he was gone. Suddenly being with him had no longer been enough; she had wished that she could be near him, touch him without fear of rebuke.

It had been then that she finally realized that she loved him, no longer in the innocent way she had, but romantically. She had been mortified with herself and quickly suppressed the thought, hoping that she could ignore or eliminate the feelings before Lord Sesshoumaru found out. While she knew he cared for her in some measure, she also knew that he would never allow himself to stoop to loving a mortal, not after despising them for so long. True, his contempt for the human race had been tempered somewhat with time, but it did not keep her from fearing what he might do if he learned about her feelings.

The most frightening threat was, of course, that he would turn her out, exile her to the world she had abandoned long ago. She could not imagine living among the humans when she had spent the majority of her life with the demons – a fact she knew would also color how she was received, if she were forced to leave. But how she would live with them had always seemed like a mild annoyance compared to the tragedy of living without Sesshoumaru.

So when he had left, it had been a sort of bitter blessing. Although the thought of him being gone was painful, at least Rin figured that it would give her time to learn how to control her emotions.

Apparently she had misjudged her abilities quite severely.

She sighed, angrily brushing the strands of hair that were making brave attempts at freedom away from her face.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. She had never wanted to feel this way for him, not when it was so shameful. All the same, it seemed that she could not escape from the fate of loving him.

By the time she reached the kitchens, she had managed to work herself into quite the mood. She hardly acknowledged the servants who were already up as she found some fruit and left again, mentally cursing her emotions and wondering why she couldn't have picked up some of Sesshoumaru's talent for being so indifferent.

Rin was so wrapped in her thoughts that she almost didn't notice the screech of a call for her. Considering the pitch, however, it would have been difficult to ignore.

She paused, turning back to see Jaken some ways behind her. He quickly caught up with her – he did, after all, have a great deal of practice at hurrying up after people – and she could not help but smile a bit at him. Although it had always been grudgingly, Jaken had accompanied her on many occasions. While he had been very reluctant to share Lord Sesshoumaru's rare attention, he had gradually accepted her as a permanent feature in their group.

He now looked up at her, scrutinizing her carefully. Rin waited patiently for what fault in her appearance he would find this time.

"You're hair is coming loose," he said eventually, frowning disapprovingly.

"I imagine that it probably is," she responded. "I put it up myself."

"Ah, that would explain it. You've never been able to do anything right," was his typical conclusion. He held his staff a bit prouder, as though the fact that she had difficulties with her hair finally proved him to be the better of the two who had been allowed to follow Lord Sesshoumaru.

Rin merely smiled, a bit thankful for this distraction from her thoughts. She plucked the staff from Jaken's hands, holding it high enough that he could not reach it.

Although he screeched at her indignantly, she did not return it until she had secured his word that he could fill her in on everything that had happened while they were away.

She sat down on the wooden walkway, dangling her legs over the side while Jaken related what he could. Listening thoughtfully, she ate her meager breakfast as she absorbed Jaken's every word. He covered the past six years in decent detail, managing to keep the story from being entirely dry. As he went, Rin became fairly certain that he was enjoying himself, although she was well aware of the fact that he would never admit to as much.

Still, by the time he had finished, Rin was satisfied. She had learned that Sesshoumaru had accomplished his goal of regaining the lands conquered by his father as well as furthering the boundaries somewhat. The fact that he had told Jaken that they would be returning to his home the day that he finally realized his designs instantly made Rin's mood lighten. How could she stay gloomy when Sesshoumaru had made coming back such a priority?

She hopped up, brushing the wrinkles out of her kimono. "Thank you for telling me, Jaken. I doubt that I'd be able to get that much information out of Lord Sesshoumaru," she said cheerfully.

"Of course you wouldn't! Why would he ever feel the need to confide such things with you?" Jaken asked her retreating figure.

"He wouldn't," Rin replied honestly, trying to keep the sting of the truth from hurting too much.

As she had guessed, she found the council room filling with the people from the previous day. Normally she would miss these early morning meetings, but she figured that she would attend since she was up. There was nothing else for her to do during the day, and besides, Lord Sesshoumaru would be there.

There was not much in the way of interest this time either, however, regardless of the fact that the lord was present. She had assumed that at least something mildly diverting might be brought up with him attending, but apparently that was not her luck.

It did give her time to study him though. While she tried to prevent herself from watching him, Rin quickly found it practically impossible. Her eyes were drawn to him every time he spoke, and she found it incredibly difficult to look away.

Most of the demons present were remarkably human-looking, their dark hair and eyes belying their true natures. Some, mostly the higher nobility of his clan, had coloring similar to Lord Sesshoumaru's, but his appearance was always the most exotic, the most striking.

Regardless of how strange his looks seemed, Rin had always been fascinated by them, perhaps because they were so unusual. There was a sort of cold attractiveness to him. As time passed nothing about him changed, and she repeatedly wondered how old he must be, although she never could decide.

While one of the more elderly of the guests was speaking as she watched Lord Sesshoumaru, Rin suddenly found herself staring back into his bright amber eyes. Remembering where she was at the last minute prevented her from starting at having his steady gaze leveled at her, but it did not prevent the blush that spread across her cheeks from being discovered.

She swallowed before giving the smallest of smiles – one she hoped came across at least half as apologetic as she felt – and quickly looking away. Unfortunately, just because she was no longer looking at him did not mean that she instantly forgot her embarrassment.

In fact, she was so preoccupied with mentally abusing herself that she almost missed a part of the meeting that suddenly become very interesting, once she absorbed what had been said.

"As you can tell, we are of a small tribe from the mountains. Still, regardless of our size, we have been able to maintain our lands, even in the face of significant foes. While you, too, are clearly able to protect your lands as well, we nonetheless are poised at a perfect position to protect the northern border from any attacks, which would free your resources to concentrate on other things. All that we would ask in return is for aid if we should ever come to such a dire circumstance as well as the freedom to move down somewhat into your lands from the mountains."

"How would you propose that such an alliance be sealed?" Lord Sesshoumaru asked, not surprisingly looking completely unaffected by this proposal.

There was a brief pause and then the demon bowed, something that struck Rin as odd. At the beginning of the meeting it made sense, but now it seemed unnecessary. "We have come to the understanding that you have a young woman here of special status," the demon said slowly, head still bowed. "As I have a son who will soon become the ruler of my people, I wish for him to have a bride. I believe that a marriage between the two would satisfactory bind our clans together."

It took Rin a moment to notice the dozens of eyes that had been turned to her, and then another moment to realize why. While she could not applaud herself at the time, she was rather proud that her only reaction was the apparent loss of blood to her previously flushed face.

After a second, the eyes turned from her to Lord Sesshoumaru, who looked as completely unfazed as ever. "She is human," he replied tonelessly, as though this somehow closed the issue.

"We are aware of this fact as well, and it makes no difference. The offer is the same."

Another long silence pulled through the tense air as everybody waited on Lord Sesshoumaru's response. None, however, could have been as anxious to hear his reply as Rin.

The fruit she had eaten that morning suddenly seemed a horrible idea. She had never before thought that she could be used in such a way, an item of barter on the table of politics. It had never crossed her mind that she would be worth anything to a demon, which made the shock of this new development even greater.

Glancing anxiously at Sesshoumaru, she was disappointed but not surprised to find that he was not looking at her. Her response did not matter to him.

"I will consider it," was all he said before rising and exiting the room.

Rin felt her world teeter dangerously before barely righting itself.

It was in a sort of half-daze that she left the room, carefully managing to avoid anybody who looked apt to approach her. She just wanted to be alone, she just wanted to think…

He had not said yes. Then again, he had not said no either. She clenched a fist in frustration. Didn't her feelings about the matter count for anything?

Of course they didn't. Rin relaxed, her hand going limp at her side. How could she expect somebody who rarely showed emotion, who in all likelihood had difficulties recognizing them, to care what she felt? It was a logical match from a strategic point; she even realized that the small expense of her presence in exchange for a solid boundary guard was more than worth it. It made perfect sense.

But… he had not said yes. Perhaps that meant that he could approach her about it, ask for her opinion.

As she walked, she considered what she would say if this was the case. How could she possibly say that she wanted no part in such an arrangement? After everything he had given her, including her life, how could she deny something that would so clearly benefit him and his people? What sort of consequences would it have if he had to say no? Failed alliances rarely ended pleasantly.

All the same, how could she agree? He himself had unwittingly nurtured her independent spirit. She had learned that she did not need to rely on anybody unless she wanted to, and so the idea of marrying simply for politics and not for love seemed disgusting. It was like a mockery, even though she was well aware of the fact that it frequently happened. Actually, now that it had been brought up, it was strange that she had never considered the possibility before.

Finally, there was the chance that he would not ask her at all. In that case, she would be irrevocably bound to whatever he said; she had never disobeyed him before.

Unconsciously, her feet led her back to her rooms. Listlessly she entered, stumbling over to her futon and then sinking down upon it. Rin wanted nothing more than to sleep now, to forget everything that had happened that dreadful morning. She had thought that it was supposed to be a happy thing that her lord had returned.

----

With a groan, Rin turned over, every memory instantly assaulting her as she woke up. While she had thankfully been able to drift to sleep, it had done nothing to help her escape the situation. Her dreams had been plagued by various outcomes, all of which had ended unpleasantly.

So she felt rested but tormented. The idea of leaving her room seemed rather unpleasant.

After laying on the futon for a while longer, she cautiously rose, fussing with her obi. She knew that there was nothing she could do with her hair, and, seeing as how she had no intention of being around anybody else, she took out the ornaments and combs, carefully returning them where they belonged.

She tidied up her room for a while, finding that, although it was more or less organized, it at least gave her some sort of distraction. Unfortunately, there was only so much she could do before she had to admit that reorganizing for a third time was past ridiculous.

It could only be mid afternoon, but the sky was heavy with clouds. The overcast weather seemed to reflect her mood perfectly, and Rin could not help but smile sadly.

There was nothing for it but to consider the thought she had before she had fallen asleep: to leave.

If she was gone, it would be her fault. Lord Sesshoumaru could not be held accountable for saying no, and she would not have to go through something that everything in her nature rebelled against. Perhaps, if she did go, then different grounds for the alliance could be formed.

Really, there were only positives that could result from her departure.

Except, of course, the fact that she would be utterly miserable without him.

There wasn't anything else forthcoming, though. It was the only logical choice she had when faced with so many other horrible options.

A part of her wanted desperately to start crying. Why did it have to be this way? She had accepted the fact that she would never have his love, but she had never thought she would have to be without him, too.

Rin sighed, running her fingers through her hair. It would probably be best to leave that night, she decided, pushing her sorrow to the edge of her consciousness. There would be time for grief later; at the present, she needed to plan what she would do.

Since it did give her something else focus on, Rin set about gathering the few things she figured she should take with her. So much would be left behind. Although she had greatly appreciated every gift he had given her, it somehow felt wrong to take these things when she was leaving. Instead, she only gathered those items that she thought would be necessary.

By the time she had accomplished this goal, the room was thankfully darkening. Night would be drawing soon, and then she would leave. There was a small portion of the wall by the gardens that had become overgrown with thick vines. With this to get her onto the wall, Rin had no doubt that she would be able to find a way out of the complex.

With her mind made, she did not allow herself to consider anything else, except for the passage of time until she finally left.

* * *

Although this is not my favorite chapter, it was needed to get events moving to the conclusion. Necessary catalysts and whatnot. Hopefully it wasn't too tedious for anybody – the next one will be more entertaining, I promise! Thanks to those who have reviewed; I'll try to respond soon, but I figured you'd all appreciate getting the chapter sooner at the expense of the replies. To those who don't review, please do! They are like little verbal presents of goodness. 


	4. Revelations

Sesshoumaru did not know what to think. For the first time in years, no answer was forthcoming, no satisfactory conclusion available. He could not remember the last time he had been at such a loss.

They wanted to seal the alliance through the marriage of their heir and Rin. His Rin.

He should have been prepared for the chance of such an event. While Rin might have just been a human, the esteem with which he regarded her was obvious. She might as well have been a hime from the honors he bestowed upon her. And as such, her position did make her a powerful tool.

He had never once thought of her in such a way. She had always just been Rin. No matter how fine her clothing or refined her speech, when she was around him, she was as carefree and joyful as she had ever been. She had even picked flowers the evening before, innocently as she had when she had been young.

Rin marrying had never come to mind before. In the past, she had never made any inclination that she desired a family of her own, that her continued state as his ward was unsatisfactory even though she was well past the age when most human girls married. Perhaps it had led him to assume that she was beyond that, an untouchable presence reserved for him.

It was now clear that whatever preconceived notions he had held could be altered.

It had been a fair proposition. When Sesshoumaru had been younger, the idea of allying himself with such an inconsequential clan would have seemed absurd. Some of the rashness of his youth was starting to cool, however, and he realized that this concession would allow him to focus on his true goals. With the northern border guarded, considerable forces would be available to protect the new lands he acquired. To obtain all this for the price of a mortal woman, one he had not even seen for six years, was practically a gift.

But something had prevented him from agreeing. For all his reasoning, his cool logic, something had held him back. It irritated him, that he had not been able to brush aside the memory of her smile or her laugh and accomplish something so simple. He had no use for her.

And yet…

He stood on the hill overlooking the palace, motionless in the still evening. Regardless of his outward serenity, Sesshoumaru's blood was pounding, desiring any activity to alleviate his mental unrest, but he would not allow his emotions to rule him. He slowly accepted the truth.

… He needed her.

It had happened so gradually that he could not decide when it had occurred. Over time, he had realized that preventing himself from protecting her was useless. And after meditating over his mother's words and the panic he had felt in hell, the painful and foreign twist of helpless anguish, he had accepted the fact that he cared for her, perhaps in some way vaguely like love.

But until now, he had always thought that these feelings were not dependent on Rin's presence but merely her health; he thought that simply knowing that she was cared for and safe would sate the demands of these unwanted emotions he had for her.

Such was not the case.

When Sesshoumaru had left the last time, he had felt something drain from him as the years passed, a void opening in her absence. He had killed, slaughtered, seen the faces of those whose lives he was ending and heard their screams. And there had been no satisfaction, no sense of fulfillment at eliminating his opponents. There had only been a dull weariness that would linger with him, a vague shadow upon his consciousness.

When he had finally returned, however, he had felt something strange. As he had entered the complex, he could sense Rin everywhere – her gentle scent, so like flowers, hanging softly in the air. It had seemed to fill some of the emptiness he had carefully ignored, and suddenly the only thing he had wanted was to see her.

And while Sesshoumaru had been aware of the discomfort in the air when they had first met again, in the instant she had smiled at him it dissipated. The anxiousness in her eyes receded and was replaced with the boundless joy she always exhibited, and he found himself wondering distractedly how he had gone without her presence for so long. She had been the only one to ever smile at him.

It was odd, but he had felt more at ease in her company than he had since she had been a child. Of course, this had not kept him from his remembrances when she mentioned the past. It was curious that while he thought of it, every memory he considered worth recalling involved her.

It took him a moment to realize that Rin's next words held a hint of sadness, but he could not think of why she would feel that way. So much about her vivid emotions puzzled him, although he would not take the time to study them.

When she adamantly avoided his eyes, Sesshoumaru felt his expression soften slightly. As little as he might have understood the reasons for her feelings, he had somehow come to know how they affected her. After he had reassured himself that they were alone, he reached up. As he softly touched her cheek, he had tried to ignore any awkwardness he might have felt; his hand was unaccustomed to such gentleness.

When her breath had caught, he was able to raise her head. Sesshoumaru examined her features for some answer to her sadness, but instead found himself realizing that she had become pretty. Not beautiful, whether the fierce beauty of the demonesses or the demure beauty of a few mortals, but pretty – the brightness of her dark eyes under the thick fringe of her lashes and the gentle slopes of her face held a sort of classic pleasantness to them.

When he realized his thoughts, Sesshoumaru abruptly dropped his hand. Somehow, he had been able to reply to her question, even managing to continue a conversation when he felt that her silence was too thoughtful.

It had lingered though, the impression that moment made. It was as though for once his senses had been too much, too sharp at perceiving the warmth of her cheek, the sweetness of her scent, the sparkle of life in her eyes. Some part of his consciousness had recoiled at seeing her this way, as a woman stripped of the wall of memories he had constructed around her. He still could not completely understand its indistinct warning.

Thinking back, Sesshoumaru could not help but wonder if that event had somehow interfered with his ability to decide what to do in the present. He felt torn, something that was at odds with his normal decisiveness. Choices had been a necessary part of life and he had never seen a reason to delay making them; there was always a proper choice and stalling his decision would do nothing to change his options.

This time, however, he could not find peace with either choice. For the first time he could remember, there was dissent between his mind and his heart.

How much simpler his life would be if that girl had not stumbled into it. His duties would never be senselessly compromised, his reserve would never be breached, his subjects would never whisper questions about his motives…

His soul would never have found a source of peace.

Why had she become so important to him? Since when did he even need to feel anything?

The memory of his father came to mind unbidden. He had been a daiyoukai whose strength was never questioned and whose rule was rarely challenged. While it had been clear that he cared for Sesshoumaru through his rare but sincere shows of affection, it had nonetheless been his duty to maintain the appearance of a warlord as he continued to gain power and influence.

At least it had been that way until he had met that human princess. Something about her had found his heart and pulled it into view, tore down his facade and left his true nature bare, exposed to the world.

It had been shocking. To have the figure Sesshoumaru aspired to, whose power was the standard by which he would gauge his own, suddenly reduced to something that so freely showed his emotions and no longer cared about conquest upset every impression he had held about his father. The image he had carved for himself, following what he had believed to be the essence of his father, no longer fit, but it had been cut so deeply into the granite of his character that it would not change.

So Sesshoumaru had denounced the person his father had become, rejected the new lessons he tried to teach. His father had been a fool for loving a mortal, a brief creature who would soon wilt and die, leaving him behind with what ruinous effects her short presence had wrought.

It did not matter that he retained his power and repulsed every attempt to challenge his strength. His father had changed, lost the respect he had possessed for his clan and position. When he had ultimately died after a fight that he had no reason to engage in other than to protect that woman, it had seemed to solidify everything Sesshoumaru had assumed. His father's weakness had been of the worst sort – one that lay in the spirit.

By now darkness had chased the light from the sky. Sesshoumaru began to take the path back to the palace, his thoughts still as troubled as they had been when he left. Trying to answer the questions he posed had only brought up new ones.

Was he succumbing to the same fate as his father? Would his concern for a mortal woman prevent him from doing what he knew was his duty?

Even the simple thought should have been enough to make up his mind. It should have made it clear that he ought to agree to let her wed, regardless of what benefits it would have for his empire because of the one it would provide him – she would be gone, his only distraction eliminated.

He was suddenly jarred from his thoughts by a change in the direction of the wind. Pausing, he breathed deeply, confused by what it revealed. The breeze brought the faint smell of the sea, diluted by the dark scents of the forest. But mixed within it was the scent of Rin.

----

As soon as it was dark enough to make out the distant prick of stars, Rin gathered her things and left. It had been as simple as she had planned. Nobody saw her make her way to the wall, and if somebody had, they had no reason to suppose that she was leaving.

The vines had not been quite as thick as she remembered, but she had enough experience at climbing from her youth to make it up without much difficulty. The drop down the other side had been a bit more extreme than Rin anticipated, and she had skinned the length of her right calf and part of her forearm. It stung, but she had suffered worse and she quickly hopped up again.

As she stood next to the wall, Rin looked around. The night was still, the air rapidly cooling in the absence of the sun. The forest stood in every direction around her, and she realized that she had no idea where she would go.

She knew that there was a human village somewhere not too far away; she had been there on a few occasions when Sesshoumaru would allow her to pick out fabric for new kimonos. The problem was that he had always accompanied her because there was no path through the forest. Even if there had been, it was now too dark to see.

Perhaps if she just picked a direction and followed it long enough, she would get out of the forest and be able to find some track to the village.

Rin picked up her belongs from where she had dropped them over the wall earlier. Holding them under her arm as she chose a direction, Rin hurried across the flat distance between the wall and the forest.

Once under the eaves without hearing any shouts or other signs of discovery, she realized that she had made it. It seemed surprisingly easy, especially considering the sentinels she knew were are various points on the walls.

Looking back over her shoulder, the light of the torches inside creating a gentle glow over the complex, she felt the sudden weight of what she was doing. Rin knew that Sesshoumaru would be highly displeased at the very least when it was discovered that she had left. After everything he had given her, from a home to her life, it would show an incredible amount of disrespect to leave, especially in such a cowardly way as she was. He had made so many changes in his life – in himself, she realized suddenly – that leaving now would probably reinstate everything he had thought about humans before he met her, probably make such prejudices even stronger.

It would not be hard to turn back, to forget her plans. She could say that she had gone for a walk, apologize for being so senseless as to not tell anybody what she had done, and go on as though nothing had occurred. Perhaps he would agree to have her married off, in which case she may be miserable, but at least she would not have lost whatever regard he held for her.

It was not so simple though, and Rin knew it. She was not a good liar, never having needed to practice such a skill, and Sesshoumaru had noticed whenever she had attempted a falsehood. If he questioned why she had gone out when he had explicitly forbidden it, he would see through whatever story she provided. What if something she said hinted to her displeasure with the proposition he was considering, thereby ruining the opportunity?

With a deep breath, she turned back to the forest.

Under the full branches there was very little illumination. The moon was barely able to filter through the dense leaves, a faint mist of pale light highlighting a few outlines and nothing more. The night noises that had always seemed so comforting were suddenly darker, more feral than she remembered.

Still, she thought with a grim smile as she hopped over a fallen stump, there couldn't be that much to fear in the sound of the crickets so close to the palace.

And, of course, there wasn't anything to fear from the gentle chirping. It was the low growl that she heard from behind that sent a spark of terror down her spine.

----

Something was wrong. The direction her scent was coming from and the strange twist to it, like fear but different, was unsettling. It wasn't right, didn't fit with what it should have been.

Sesshoumaru hurried down from the hill, trying to figure out what had happened. From everything he knew, Rin was in her rooms. If he went there now, he'd probably find her sleeping.

Something kept him from assuming this. While logic supplied that there was no reason to go on a search for somebody who was clearly in the palace, his instincts overrode his reasoning.

It took no effort to cover the distance to the forest, following the distinctive cut of Rin's scent. He wondered what had happened to cause her to be out; there had been no warnings alerted and he had not felt the presence of other demons, so she could not have been captured. It would have caused some stir.

He suddenly could make out the faint sounds of movement ahead. There was a distinct franticness to it, the sound of a hunt that was punctuated by a frightened gasp.

He could not remember ever running so fast.

----

Rin's foot slid in the mud, causing her to lose her balance and nearly fall. Barely catching her footing by bracing herself against a tree, she quickly began running again.

She darted around trees, trying to leave the most complicated path she could in the dense forest, but she knew that it would not be enough. Agile as she might be, it would not help her when compared to the sheer speed of the creature behind her.

So she really was as foolish as Sesshoumaru had always thought her race. Her intentions had been well meaning if nothing else, even if he would never understand.

She was tired. She could not account for the time she had been running, but it did not matter. Even now she could feel herself slowing, wearying of a chase she had known from the start she couldn't win. Her legs were buckling painfully, and she realized that soon…

There was suddenly a flash and the forest around her sparked with green for an instant. The heavy sound of a falling body resounded in her ears and she paused for the briefest moment, grasping a branch to hold herself up as she turned around.

Rin almost collapsed from the assault of relief and shame at seeing Lord Sesshoumaru, strangely vulnerable-looking without his armor, standing in the shadows.

His hand was raised, the green glow of his poison still fading. As she had turned, she just glimpsed the fierce scarlet of his eyes before they had calmed, emotions once again restrained.

While he slowly lowered his hand, Rin noticed the beast that had been hunting her lying on the forest floor, dark red blood pooling among the leaves.

Sesshoumaru approached her as coolly as though nothing had happened, but she could not be so unaffected by what had just taken place. Her heart continued to race and the weariness of her legs was eclipsed by the aching that resulted from no longer moving. Although she had tried to not cry in his presence, she felt tears begin to course down her cheeks as she realized the danger she had been in without reassurance of his aid. She had been so close to death; it had brushed by her like a shadow.

At that moment, with him now standing next to her, expression more unreadable than ever before, Rin forgot herself. It did not matter that she would regret being so insolent and senseless as soon as she calmed down. At that moment he was the only one near, and she allowed herself to fall against him, clinging to him as her sobs finally worked their way up her throat.

----

He froze completely.

There had been a flair of anger that had ignited at the guilt painted across her face, a clear sign that her presence there had been some folly of her own devising. But the instant her tears soaked through the fabric of his haori, his building irritation had been extinguished.

Sesshoumaru did not know what to do, too surprised by her actions. Her small frame was shaking against him from the force of her weeping, her hands bunched into the fabric at his shoulders as she tried to keep her footing. Perhaps it was because of his uncertainty that he found himself moved by an impulse he could not understand, one that strangely wanted… to comfort her.

He slid his arm hesitantly around her back, supporting her as best he could. He could not decide if the results of this action were satisfactory or not. While she did calm somewhat, a measure of the tenseness dissolving as she tried to control her tears, it also made her relax against him further. The grip upon his clothes was loosened and she retracted her hands somewhat, although she still rested them upon his chest. It also allowed her to lay her head against him, tucked just below his chin so that he could feel the softness of her hair against his neck and could breathe nothing but her.

By placing his thoughts on anything else, he gradually allowed himself to lose some of his tension. Unconsciously, his hand had started to move in slow, light circles upon her back and he was rewarded by the gradual cessation of her tears. He did not know what reasoning he would use later to justify his present actions, his acceptance of this human's disregard for his status, but it strangely didn't matter at the moment.

How much time ultimately passed was hard to say, but his senses made it clear that it would be wise to return. It had been so different, allowing another person to be so close to him, and so strangely… pleasant… that it was almost disappointing to realize that they should leave.

Some restlessness that he was unaware of revealing must have been betrayed because Rin slowly lifted her head from his chest. He was about to step back, to retract his arm from where it still rested around her waist, when she tipped her head upwards.

There was nothing for a second in which he remained still, listening to the beating of her heart against his. And then in one dizzyingly shocking moment, he felt the gentle press of her lips against his throat.

It was only for a moment, a touch before she drew back completely, hair falling around her face as she dropped her head. It had been as faint as the beat of a butterfly or the brush of a flower petal, but it left a searing imprint upon his mind.

The instant his faculties returned and he dismissed the action and its resulting confusion for later examination, he looked down at her. She swayed as she tried to stand apart from him, and he finally noticed her wounds: the scratches and cuts where rocks and thorns had viciously cut her, the dark bruises just beginning to shadow her flesh, the trickle of blood running down her leg.

Although it felt almost dangerous considering what had just happened, Sesshoumaru knew that he would carry her. There was no way she would be able to make the distance as she was, and even if she could, he found that he did not want to force her to do something so painful.

Voice as detached as ever, he told her to wrap her arms around his neck.

She seemed puzzled before realizing his intent. "My lord, I can make it back. It is not necessary…" she began quietly, but he cut her off.

"You will listen to me, Rin."

Nodding awkwardly, she draped her arms around his neck, allowing him to scoop her up against his chest before he set off for the palace.

----

The servant finished wrapping her leg and stood, gathering the bowl of water and salves before leaving. Rin sighed and drew her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

Her face was burning. The blush that had started in the forest had only spread and heated as she was allowed to think of what she had done. How could she have acted that way? No matter how distressed she might have felt, there had been no reason to behave as she had.

What was worse was that she knew she had not been too upset to realize what she was doing. She had been perfectly aware of her actions, had hovered indecisively for a moment before allowing herself to kiss him. She had known that there would be repercussions but had still succumbed to that long denied desired. It had seemed clear that it might be her last opportunity, her only opportunity, and she had seized it.

In a way, it had surprised her that he had not reacted. At the same time, though, it made perfect sense with regards to his demeanor. He was preoccupied with bringing her back to the palace; there would be time to discuss what she had done later.

They had not exchanged any words throughout the short duration of their return, and for once the silence hanging between them was not comfortable. The air was thick with questions and confusion, awkward and unbreakable. He had ignored the sentinels and few subjects he saw when they returned, his only spoken words issuing the simple order to have someone sent to tend to her.

Carefully, he had set her upon her futon, straightening when she quickly released him. He had left soundlessly, only the sliding of the shoji screen betraying his departure.

Rin pressed a hand to her cheek, wondering if the blood would ever recede. She couldn't imagine how mortifying it would be to have to see him with her face still stained by her embarrassment.

Unfortunately, she noticed the shadow cast against the screen and knew that he had come. She almost had to bite back a painful laugh at the horrible luck she was having that evening.

Sesshoumaru opened the screen and stood there for a moment, observing her. Rin was barely able to gather the courage to meet his eyes and eventually had to drop her gaze.

He entered then, sitting slowly before her. She knew the questions that were coming, could sense them hanging before her. And he did not disappoint her.

"Why were you in the forest, Rin," he said calmly, his voice a demand that required a response.

Taking a breath, she ran a hand through her hair. "I was leaving, my lord," she said in the smallest voice she could manage.

The silence that followed betrayed his surprise, although his countenance was not altered. "Leaving."

With one word, he asked her a dozen questions, some that were beyond the realm of speech. Again, she felt the prickle of tears in the corner of her eyes, but she fought them back. "I could not marry him," she said, trying to speak around the lump in her throat. "But, if you had told me to, I would not have denied you, not after everything you have done for me. Even if…" She paused as she attempted to put her thoughts into words. "Even if you had given me the option, I would not have been able to willfully destroy this opportunity."

"And you thought that leaving would somehow properly resolve the situation."

She felt so senseless around him; everything he said tore down her reasoning until it seemed as primitive as a child's. "I thought that if I was no longer present, perhaps something else could be settled on to complete the alliance."

She glanced at him over her knees, recoiling at the coldness in his golden eyes.

"Foolish human," he said quietly, but the words hit her with all the force of their meaning.

Impulsively, Rin shifted, painfully twisting her battered legs beneath her before placing her head and hands on the floor, bowing in a way that had never before seemed necessary. She felt the tears pooling in her eyes as she closed them. "I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly, pulling the words from deep within her heart, wondering if he would be able to tell the depths of her emotions. "I'm so sorry, Lord Sesshoumaru…"

----

He fought for the control that had always been so natural, so easy to maintain. It seemed to evaporate at her words, leaving him to struggle with the foreign emotions that now possessed him.

She had been so senseless to assume that she could fix the situation. It was baffling that she had thought her actions would somehow allow the completion of the alliance. Yet, for the first time, Sesshoumaru could understand her reasoning, what had led her to her false but honest conclusions, and it startled him that he could comprehend this.

And now she was bowing before him. She looked incredibly fragile and pitiful, small form folded up, the wrapping on her right arm and the scratches on the left visible beneath the curtain of her hair.

As much as he desired her obedience and respect, he had never wanted it like this. It had become a sort of luxury to have someone show him such reverence from love instead of fear. To see her so clearly upset – frightened even – filled him with an odd sense of guilt.

Foolish she might be, but that had been no reason for him to vent his irritation on her. When he had finally caught up with her in the forest and saw the beast preparing to lunge, an unmistakable flare of fear had spread through him instantly. The memory of how he had found her so many years ago flashed through his mind, only it was now the lifeless form of the woman she had become.

The thought of her dying beyond recall had made him almost senselessly desperate. To know that he had nearly lost her because of something as trivial as the present alliance was maddening. Although he had never made an impression one way or the other, he had assumed that she would know that she was not to be involved in his politics -- even if he had briefly entertained the idea.

He tried to amend the situation, allowing his voice to take on the hint of softness he displayed only for her. "Sit up."

Slowly she did so, keeping her eyes respectfully lowered.

He didn't know what else to do, what else to say. So many things had suddenly changed within the last hour that words that would have sufficed before no longer seemed adequate.

Although it still didn't seem enough to express what he truly wanted, he settled on his words. "I will find another way to seal the alliance. You will not need to leave."

She looked up at him through her bangs silently, as though she knew that there was more he had to say before he had formed the thoughts he needed to speak.

He watched her, searching her face before continuing. "Unless you wish to return to the humans."

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. "I have never wanted to return to them. I was only going to do so because I thought that such would be the best way to serve you."

"You serve me best by staying with me," he said simply, not realizing the implications of such a statement until it had been spoken.

Rin's eyes widened almost imperceptibly, the color in her cheeks rising again. Ducking her head quickly, she brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "That is where I've always wanted to be," she murmured softly.

Suddenly, Sesshoumaru was flooded with memories. The faint shiver that had spread through her hands that night before he had left; the snag in her breathing at his touch upon her cheek; the frequent flushes that crossed her face; her kiss in the forest. It was as though some veil had been removed, revealing how all these small actions were connected in their true light. Apparently even the innocence of her affection had been shed as she aged.

He realized that she loved him, as a woman loved a man.

----

Rin knew that he had finally discovered her secret, the one she had borne for years. It felt like relief, to no longer hold the weight of her love for him under layers of uncertainty and denial.

But it also made her heart pound with fear that all her worries would come true. It seemed unlikely, given his recent declaration, but as steady as his demeanor might have been, she had learned to know that his actions followed a logic clear only to him.

He rose, obviously leaving. While she knew that she should not have expected anymore, his silence still made a part of her heart twist painfully. She did try to be thankful that he had at least not been markedly repulsed by the knowledge of her feelings.

When he paused, even though he did not turn around, she could not help but be surprised. "Rest. I will speak with you in the morning."

Unusual as his words were, they were all he said as he closed the screen behind him, leaving her to wonder what he could possibly wish to discuss.

* * *

Well, the longest chapter is finally up! I believe that leaves just one more chapter and the drabble-esque epilogue. Work is taking over what life I had outside of college though, so it might be a bit longer to get those finished than I would like, for which I apologize. Still, those are the ones with all the good stuff – I want to make them as good as I can. Thank you for your patience! 


	5. Dawning

How could one person make him feel so uncertain?

For centuries, Sesshoumaru had never questioned himself. He had chosen the path he would follow through his life, and it been simple, straightforward, from that point. Until Rin.

He could no longer understand himself. Faced with the knowledge of her love, he suddenly wondered what it was he felt for her. It seemed impossible that it could be love, but the emotion was so alien to him that he was not sure that he would be able to recognize its presence.

What if it was love? When he was honest with himself, he realized that it might not have been quite as absurd as he would have liked. Earlier he had admitted that he needed her, but why did he need her if not because he had grown to love her?

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes briefly to the darkness of his chambers. It did not matter what he felt or did not feel; it never had. Perhaps he did love her, perhaps she had been able to find his heart and coax it into feeling after decades, centuries of dormancy. But he had never let himself be governed by his feelings, even ones as deeply felt as love, unless he had a compelling reason to do so.

It could not go on like this. Rin could not love him. He could not tolerate her feeling such for him, because it would just let her harbor hope that he would return her love.

For even if he did feel such things for her, he could never reveal as much. She was mortal, a human, and he was a demon. Besides the fact that he could not allow the noble blood of his lineage to be diluted, he knew the fates suffered by those who dared to partake in such a taboo relationship. He had seen it firsthand, had in fact compounded the difficulty of such a situation without remorse.

And she was Rin. Whenever he looked at her, he could still see the faint traces of the girl in her features. No matter how she aged, he would still recognize the child she had been.

With a start, Sesshoumaru realized that the only one he was trying to prove his thoughts to was himself. He was trying to reassure his positions, his long-held beliefs, even as he felt everything that had constituted them crumble beneath him.

But what it meant, he could not say. What he wanted was no longer clear; the lines had been blurred until he could no longer tell where the desires of his pride and those of his heart started or ended.

In the darkness, he allowed himself to wonder if this was how his father had felt. Perhaps he had struggled internally as well, had not given in as easily as it had appeared. Maybe he had fought against his feelings only to have them be an opponent he could not defeat.

Sesshoumaru wondered if, regardless of what he thought, he would be the same.

----

Rin was removing her wrappings when he came.

It was early dawn again, the second night in a row that her thoughts had been too tumultuous to allow her rest. Although tired, she did not mind being awake, as it allowed her time to clean herself up. She had found that her scratches had scabbed well now beneath the dressings, and so she had decided to remove the scratchy fabric strips.

Of course, once Sesshoumaru was there, it made it very hard to concentrate on such a simple task as unwinding the piece of cloth. She had to wonder what he was thinking, or what he was going to say, or what was going to happen, and quickly her hands forgot to continue their tasks.

It didn't help matters that he approached her, kneeling and watching her so that it was impossible to think straight about what she was doing.

He raised his hand and stilled her own, wordlessly brushing it aside. Although she was confused by this action initially, it suddenly made sense when he carefully ran a claw across the thin fabric, easily cutting it and allowing her to remove it.

"Thank you," she managed as he stood up again, giving him a quick smile before picking up the cloth to remove them to where they would be cleaned.

"Rin," he said, instantly commanding her full attention. "Put those down and come with me."

Not wanting to disobey, Rin set the rags by the end of her futon and hurried after him into the gardens.

He walked silently for a while, his white hair turning silver in the shadow light immediately before dawn. Rin found herself staring at the way the light played on it as he walked, shifting along the lengths of the strands like a reflection off water. Although she was able to control herself, she desperately wanted to run her fingers through it. She had barely managed to keep from playing with the fine strands as they had lain across her arms the night before.

Her thoughts were interrupted when he spoke, some polite question about her wounds that was nonetheless strange coming from him. Still, she had to take the fact that he was even talking to her as a good sign.

She could not fathom why he had come to her that morning, even if he had told her that he would the night before. It had seemed more likely that he would want to distance himself now that he knew of her feelings, something he would probably view as vile. Would it not disgust him to know that a human, even her, loved him?

Perhaps he was able to disregard it. Maybe he would simply ignore the knowledge and continue to treat her as he had before. The thought was both comforting and hurtful.

They made their way through the quiet complex, its residents still asleep but for the few servants beginning to prepare for the day ahead. They acknowledged their lord wordlessly, not one approaching him or speaking. Rin found this strange but did not question it; perhaps they knew of some duty Sesshoumaru was intent on doing, although she couldn't see how that was possible with her present.

Rin found that he had brought her to the southern gardens, the ones they had waited in when he had first brought her there. Over the years, she had spent a great deal of time in all the gardens, but this one had been the most rare. Although it was often the quietest, it was also the one that was traversed by those entering and leaving the complex.

Sesshoumaru stopped her next to a willow tree, standing in its shadow and motioning for her to stand next to him. Curious, she did so, and then followed his gaze when he turned it toward the path.

The visitors, those who had come seeking alliance, were walking the path leisurely towards the gates. Brow furrowing, Rin looked up at him. "Lord Sesshoumaru?" she questioned.

"They are returning to their lands," he said without turning toward her.

It was surprising to hear that they were leaving as it meant that whatever talks had needed to take place had already been conducted. "And the alliance?" she asked quietly.

"It was not arranged," he replied simply.

She looked back to the demons as they disappeared through the gate. Suddenly self-conscious, she folded her hands awkwardly before her. "I'm sorry, my lord."

"Don't be." He now looked at her, and she suddenly noticed that regardless of the coolness in his voice, his eyes had softened. "There will be time later. For now, other things are more important."

----

He had suffered the same restlessness as Rin that night. It had not taken long for his patience to wear thin with trying fruitlessly to sleep and he had risen. Sleeping every night was prudent but not necessary, and he had decided that some activity would probably alleviate a measure of his pent up energy.

For a few hours he had stalked the woods, slaying any demon or beast that was unfortunate enough to cross his path. While it had effectively eased the need for movement, it had done nothing to slow the tide of thoughts that continued to flood through his mind.

It had been then that he decided that he would speak with the visiting dignitaries and tell them of his decision, regardless of the hour.

They had been surprisingly humble with regards to his words. Sesshoumaru had expected the typical wounded pride most clans displayed, but they had accepted his decision. Understanding that he was denying merely the bond upon which the alliance was to be built, they made it clear that, some time in the future, they hoped a satisfactory condition could be arranged.

With that responsibility concluded there had been only one other thing to see to.

When Sesshoumaru approached Rin's rooms, he had been a bit surprised to hear that she was awake as well. It was something he should have been pleased with; it would eliminate the need to wait to answer the questions that had plagued him all night.

Instead, it had made him feel distinctly uneasy. Whether she knew it or not, Sesshoumaru was aware that after seeing her this morning, things would be changed, although how was yet to be seen.

After retrieving her, he had decided to bring her to the gardens. It would be strangely more private than her rooms and would also allow him a chance to show her that the demons who had come were now leaving.

As he led her through the gardens heavy with dew, he noticed the flowers. They had, of course, always been there, but he rarely observed them. He had always viewed them as inconsequential and pointless for anything but impractical aesthetics.

In light of everything now taking place, however, he realized that aesthetics had a function that, while perhaps impractical, was nonetheless useful in its own way.

Sesshoumaru cast his glance at the girl, the woman, next to him as she ran her fingers along the tops of the plants they were walking by. Remembering her words when she had given him that flower before he had left six years ago, he sensed how they applied to the present situation. She had admitted that he had no use for flowers.

But sometimes it was nice to have things that one did not necessarily need.

A part of him, the remnants of who he had been before finding her, did not need her. And while a life without her was hard to imagine, she was not truly necessary. All the same, her company, her gentle presence, had come to hold its own sort of purpose. She had become to him what the flowers had been to her: something to be enjoyed to the fullest, even if its time was brief.

They now stood in a silence that was only broken by the rumble of the gate closing in the distance. Sesshoumaru's words hung in the heavy air, his first step to revealing how he needed her with him. The brink into which he would have to blindly plunge had been approached.

Carefully constructed explanations he had intended to say seemed ridiculous as he looked down into her open expression, free from any pretense. Now that he knew that it was there, her eyes seemed so full of love that he wondered how he had been blind to it for so long. It was all encompassing, radiated from her in waves as comforting as her scent had become.

He could no longer find the words he needed to say.

As the wind stirred and pressed the heavy fragrance of the blossoms into the air, Sesshoumaru found himself reaching for her, realizing that actions would be a clearer way of expressing himself. He allowed the backs of his fingers to brush against her cheek, curling his claws away from her delicate skin. And for once, he allowed himself to feel.

What emotions wished to present themselves were given reign, his control relaxed so that he could assess what feelings asserted themselves. They must have played across his face, because he saw Rin begin to examine him, clearly seeking answers for his actions just as he was.

Stepping closer to her, breaching the distance of propriety, he let his hand fall to her pale throat. He felt the racing of her pulse beneath his fingers for a moment before bringing his hand up again, burying it in the silk of her hair.

Rin had closed her eyes, leaning into his touch as much as she could. She had such complete and utter trust in him, allowing him to touch her when she knew how easily that hand could kill, how effortlessly he could end her life if he so wished.

But he could never bring himself to so much as harm her, much less kill her.

Rin's eyes opened slowly, and she seemed to find her voice after a momentary struggle. "My lord…" she began, swallowing when he drew her gently to him, "what are you doing?"

"Trying to understand."

"Understand what?" she managed distractedly, almost unconsciously resting her hands against his chest to balance herself as she tipped her head back to meet his eyes.

"What I feel."

Sesshoumaru leaned down, bringing his face within an inch of hers, and observed how her eyes fluttered shut, how irregular her breathing had become. Slowly, he closed the distance, using a softness he did not know he possessed to press his lips against hers.

This time, he instantly knew that his senses would overwhelm him. The emotions that had already seemed so vivid in comparison to what he generally allowed himself to feel flared, burning in their intensity. Closing his own eyes, he attempted to block his overpowering awareness of everything around him, wanting to focus on her, on this.

He felt powerless, and for the first time he could remember, he welcomed it.

She tasted as sweetly of the gardens as she smelled, her lips as soft as flower petals. She had closed what little space remained between them, the warmth of her body seeping through the layers of clothing separating them. He felt himself drowning in her as he deepened the kiss, helplessly swept in the flood of emotions he had allowed to wash over him.

Reluctantly, Sesshoumaru drew back, trying to think clearly. He disregarded the unfamiliar pounding of his heart and attempted to concentrate on his thoughts.

In some part of his mind, distant and removed from the present, he suddenly understood what had happened to his father as he realized the truth of his own feelings. Every thought of conquest, of empire, no longer held any importance. It was now clear that nothing he could gain would be able to measure up to having her with him, with having her love and feeling free to return it.

For that moment, he had forgotten that they were different, a demon and a human. Something that had been so pivotal to his thinking had been unnoticeable; the only thing that had mattered was the fact that she had managed to breathe life back into his heart.

Now, as he thought, he recognized the importance of the gulf separating them. He was ageless, had thousands of years left to live, but she would be lucky to see another half a century. The meaning of each season, each moment, suddenly weighed heavily, and he realized how much time his pride had already wasted.

----

There were no words or thoughts capable of catching that moment. It had dissolved her ability to think, left her reeling between disbelief and bliss. When Sesshoumaru drew back, her whole body tingled; she felt as though every inch of her skin had been sparked.

She could have counted the beats of her heart from how they seemed to thunder in her ears. As she gradually managed to gather her thoughts, Rin watched his face, happy that although he had broken the kiss he still held her close, twining his fingers through her hair. His brows were drawn together in an uncharacteristic display of his thoughtfulness, flickers of expression chasing themselves across his features.

Suddenly Sesshoumaru's eyes opened, all coldness melted from the molten ocher. There was a feeling of decisiveness in his glance as he looked down at her, as though final convictions had been made. Slowly he smiled, and the expression softened his features so drastically that it was hard to imagine how ruthless he could be. Rin felt as though her heart tripped, stuttered for a moment at the sight. His smiles were so very rare, something she had only witnessed a handful of times in his presence.

Although it receded as quickly as it had come, the light of the smile remained in his eyes. His hand sifted through her hair, running down the length of the locks while he watched the movement, as though suddenly fascinated by the long inky strands. "You serve me best by staying with me," he whispered, almost to himself. Leaning forward, he brought his lips to her ear, his cool cheek pressed against her flush one. She felt the warmth of his breath and suppressed the shiver that wished to pass up from the base of her spine.

When Sesshoumaru spoke to her, rich voice in a quiet timbre for only her to hear, Rin found it difficult to focus. "Would you serve me in such a way? I would make you the Lady of the Western Lands and continue to protect and provide for you as I do now. I… I would do everything I could to keep you happy," he said quietly, and she could hear the disguised uncertainty in his voice, the slight awkwardness in expressing things he never had before. "If I did all of this, would you stay with me?"

His words nearly broke her. They were not a command or inquiry, but a request. In all her experiences, Sesshoumaru had never asked for anything; if there was something he wanted, it was his to take. Now, however, he relinquished his control to her, placing the decision within her hands. He knew, he _had_ to know, that she had always seen herself as his, an offering not fit to repay her life-debt to him.

Gently Rin drew back, shivering at the tickle of his fine hair against her face. She met his eyes and finally dared to bring a hand to his face, still surprised that he welcomed her touch as she hesitantly laid her fingers upon his cheek. "Yes," she whispered with a smile, finding it difficult to manage her voice. "I would have always stayed with you."

----

Sesshoumaru felt his lips twitch upwards, strangely unable to keep the smile from flickering across his face as he kissed her again. The taste of her lips, the touch of her gentle fingers upon his cheek, were all so foreign and yet so comfortable. It was like discovering something that he had not realized he had been missing.

Suddenly he tasted the salt of her tears and he pulled back, confused. She merely smiled at him, her face glowing with the faint light caught on the damp trails running to her chin.

Moving his hand, he brushed the pad of his thumb over her cheek, gently removing the tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked.

She continued to smile even as her tears continued to fall. "I'm so happy," she whispered breathlessly before pressing her face against his throat. "I've loved you for so long… Sesshoumaru."

He leaned his head against hers, feeling all his tension slowly drain away as he accepted Rin's embrace. He wondered if there had ever been a time when he had allowed his guard to slip, to relax that final wire that was always coiled and ready to strike. It was a curious feeling to let it go, to know that in this moment there was nothing he needed to guard against.

As the sky began to bleach of its dark evening hue to the warm blush of morning, Sesshoumaru heard the faint sounds of the complex's inhabitants stirring. Soon there would be a great deal more activity around them; the garden would no longer provide a barrier from the world. He considered the possibility of keeping everything a secret for a few days more, a short time of peace to experience and enjoy the new stirrings she had created within his soul, before he was forced into the storm that would no doubt follow his decision.

The thought was quickly dismissed. He had made his decision, and there was no reason to delay its execution. Sesshoumaru released her and stepped back, disregarding how strangely cold he felt without her close to him, before holding his hand out. With another classic smile, she slid her small hand into his, intertwining their fingers.

They left the garden together like that, walking side by side. Perhaps the expression of removed indifference had returned to Sesshoumaru's features, but the clasping of his hand with the human girl's revealed everything to those they passed. As they walked, he could already hear the rumors spreading faster than the rays of the rising sun before them.

Glancing at Rin, he could still see the shining of her eyes as she looked up at him under her bangs, and he found himself unable to care what was being said of him, of his pride or reputation. As her thumb lightly swept back and forth upon his hand, Sesshoumaru knew that this, indulging in the brief blossom of her life, was all that now mattered.

* * *

Well, there it is! There is, of course, the epilogue dealie, but this was really the finale. I had all sorts of trouble trying to figure out how to approach the ending, so I hope it was satisfactory. I guess, honestly, I had all sorts of trouble with most of it, but it seems like beginnings and endings are always the trickiest. Again, thank you for your patience! The epilogue will probably be up Friday, Saturday at the latest. 


	6. Epilogue

The moon was full, its cool light draped over the silent complex. It caught in the rainwater pooled on leaves, making the gardens full of shining diamonds, as though some of the stars had fallen onto the plants.

Sesshoumaru sat under the awnings, observing the scene before him. Two figures stood out in the landscape of pearls, searching for the blossoms that only opened at night. The sounds of their laughter, regardless of the half-hearted attempts to keep it hushed, drifted clearly to him through the air.

Apparently they had found what they sought for there was an audible gasp and a flurry of activity. He felt the smallest of smiles cross his face. The excited joy they both exhibited still managed to amuse him.

There was a sudden streak of movement, and the smaller figure burst into view, running across the distance to him. She struggled up beside him, accepting his hand to help her up.

Once next to him, she smiled, that bright smile so like her mother's but for the points of her small fangs. "We found them, papa!" she exclaimed proudly, displaying the pale blooms in her little hands.

Sesshoumaru watched her as she arranged the flowers, her dark head bent so that he could not help but recall the past. When she looked back up at him, amber eyes glowing with pride, he touched her head affectionately. "Are you satisfied now?" he asked, watching as she yawned loudly. "You should have been asleep hours ago."

She shrugged, looking at her mother as she approached them. "Mama says that she used to be up later than this at my age," she chirped.

Sesshoumaru looked at Rin, brow raised. "And what compelled you to disclose that information?" he asked.

Rin smirked, standing before him in the moonlight. "She asked, and I could not lie. It is a skill I never managed to learn."

"I should hope not."

As Rin sat next to him, casually placing her hand over his, Sesshoumaru felt a gentle tug on his empty sleeve. Turning to his daughter, he found her sliding into his lap and reaching up for his hair. He tipped his head indulgently, allowing her to pull the heavy locks over his shoulders, and smiled when she giggled at the pale curtain around her.

Taking a handful, she wove one of the flowers into it, grinning in apparent appreciation of the effect. She leaned back. "Papa's hair is pretty with flowers, isn't it?" she asked Rin.

Sesshoumaru cast his glance sideways, catching Rin's eyes as she laughed. "Yes, it is very pretty, but you don't think he really needs them, do you?"

"But he likes flowers!" she challenged, looking back up at Sesshoumaru with her brows drawn together so that the pale crescent on her forehead wrinkled. "Don't you?"

He thought of the faint creases he had recently noticed when Rin smiled, the way the seasons seemed to fly past him like leaves on the wind. Wrapping his arm around his daughter, he kissed her forehead while picking her up to return her to her room.

"Yes," he answered, looking over her head at Rin and holding her steady, warm gaze. "I like them very much."

* * *

And that's a wrap folks! I hope this little itty bitty epilogue was enough to bring the story to a satisfactory close. Thank you so much for all the support! Hopefully I'll be able to formulate my ideas into another story soon, so please keep an eye open!

Also, to all those who have reviewed and have written their own stories, I have a little favor to ask. I do want to be able to return the reviewing favor, but some people have more than one story and my brain kinda shuts down and goes "oh no, decision!" So please give me a heads up on what you want me to read so that I can make good on my promise and all that!


End file.
